Much needed cup of tea! (11th February 2014)

I think I have had my worst day of parenting today (hopefully)!

Managed one hour of sleep last night. No, not that baby Avneil slept for that hour and I wasn't paranoid, it's just that Harish took him to the other room so that I could get some sleep. Poorly Avneil had a horrible night. Not sure if it was his tummy aching, wind revolving or anything else under the sun, the only thing he could do was cry. Fed him six times in the night and I was exhausted, but couldn't muster up the courage to grab a bite. Shed tears looking at my baby in pain. Not sure if it was gripe water or the Indian tip of applying asafoetida in his belly, he slept at 9, I meant 9 AM. I brushed my teeth, hit the toilet and grabbed some breakfast and managed some sleep. Woke up 2.5 hours later only to find the poor mite has not even woken for a feed. Woke him up and he was hungry and didn't realize.  

Checked facebook and there you go! A friend of mine, had her status updated that her baby has been sleeping through the night. 4 days younger than mine and there he was sleeping through the night! Guess what? He is formula fed. Where does all the theory of breast milk being the best goes? It all sounds like crap. Poor baby gets wind because of what I eat, gets tummy ache because of what I eat and none of us manage a good night sleep! I don't get proper sleep and that makes me tired and unwell (read it as gassy). 

Had planned for meet up at friends place at 2pm and here I was, not managed to take a shower, grab some lunch and the clock struck 3pm. Going for the meet up was out of the window.

Spoke to family back at home and glad that they could feel my pain. But to add some icing on the cake, I was told about the dinner they planned for that night. Perfect - this is what I needed. A full blown menu when I had not even managed to reheat my lunch and have a bite. Not that they intended to do so, but it just added to my misery. 

Then I finally thought I could go for a wash, when my poor baby vomited on me. I cried again. Cried that he wasn't well and also realized my effort of feeding him had gone in vain. Just managed to change my soiled tee and soothe him again so that he could sleep.  Took a shower in jet speed (no body wash, no shampoo & no loofah). Rice, dal and veg, mixed them in a bowl and reheated in microwave and sat next to my baby and gulped it. It was not for hunger that I ate, my mums statement kept reeling in my head constantly - "You need to eat well as you are feeding him. If you don't, he won't get enough"! After I finished my lunch, I was craving for tea but hell no it was important that I slept to pile on some sleep for the next night, so decided to hit the bed with my baby. Guess he realized I was by his side and was hungry and didn't want to get off me after his feed. He just wanted to be hugged and it was 6 pm when he was finally in deep sleep and I could put him back on to his Moses basket.

I finally had the time to make myself the much needed cup of tea!! Harish was back home and life was normal again. 

The desire accomplished is sweet to the soul...

We all have desires, some small and some big, and for me, I have way too many! Ocassionally I am humble, but my real self comes retorting and things are back to where they were! To me, desire is the juice of life. It courses through you like a river, carving its way through the soil of your psyche. While I wait in the Arrivals area of London Heathrow, I am writing this today as one of my long longed for desire is coming true! Mum and Dad - the avid travellers, they took us for nice holidays more often than not.  It was almost every summer holidays that we visited some amazing part of India and the few others to the grand parents. It wasn't until I stepped into IT, that I thought visiting a foreign country was possible for people like us. It was around the same time that the craze loomed in the upper middle class part of the Indian society to visit the Far East countries for holiday  and the filthy rich one's to the Europe! To us it was still a distant dream! We decided to make our honeymoon a special one and hence decided to travel to a foreign land. Though the realization of that desire robbed us of all our savings at that juncture, and so yeah, in more than just one way, our honeymoon was indeed a special one! It was then, that a new desire crept in my heart! I wanted to gift my parents their first abroad travel! I offered them a trip to one of the far-east countires as there annniversary present, but they politely refused. It is very typical of parents in India to refuse any expensive form of gift from their daughters. The day I stepped in England and was awe-inspired by its beauty, I decided that this is country they will visit soon. I knew my desire is going to be fulfilled soon. It took much longer than I expected, but it has finally happened!  They are making there first abroad travel and moreover to the country my Dad always admired! Being a History student, he has the thirst to see and abrorb the beauty of this historic country. I have carefully planned each day of there stay in this country and want to make this a memorable experience for them! I longed for all this and much more, in some corner of my tired heart....

Immense Sorrow !

‘doosaron ki vedna mein vedna jo hai dikhaata, vedna se mukti ka nij harsh kewal vo chipaata …’
He that shows his grief, his sorrow to another’s grief, merely hides the joy of he himself being free from such sorrow ..

Life was better that way!

The DNA of contentment is something I never possessed. As far back as I can remember, I always wanted the next step before it was time for it. I am not sure if that really made me lose on the moment or I still managed to live it all, but no regrets and no qualms.

When I was in Junior School, I always aspired to be part of the secondary school so that I could have more fun, grab more attention, and be more on my own. It was only when I stepped in there did I start aspiring about attending college, going to University. The best thing I personally asocciated with going to university was not having to wear a school uniform, not having to be a "look alike" of your fellow classmates and chilling out and spending time in libraries and canteens. Not to carry the school lunch box and not to carry the big school bag. It is only when I was in university that I started dreaming of having a job. Going to work in a business suite, driving my own car, spending my own money and living life on my own terms.

And here I am, with a good job, decent salary, own car and I so much wish I could go back in time. Go back to the time in a junior school, where I had nothing to worry about. Those carefree days of life where there was no taxes to calculate, no bills to pay, no cooking and no cleaning to do and to top it all, there was no rat race. I miss those hot summer walks, those bumpy rides in dad's scooter, I miss mom's cooking, the tiny little piggy fund to spend on the evening with friends, those days about not having to worry about gaining any weight and eating all the junk and sweets, and never having to be on your own!....Life was better that way!

My First Interview Experience in England!!

It was right after one week of landing in London that I realized I needed to get a job. I realized it was not my cup of tea to be home for the entire day and do the households chores. I mean the households could keep me busy, but I never felt contended at the end of the day. I never had any sense of achievement, I wasn't very happy switching channels on the remote day long in absolute silence. It was then for the first time, I missed the noise around in India. Atleast it helped kill the silence. I decided to look for work!

After I uploaded my CV religiously in all the six job portals, I started receiving calls from the job consultants. Most of them where trying to gather as much informaion from me as they could, but I obliged as I din't want to leave even one stone un-turned with my prospects of getting that job. With each day passing, I was getting desperate. I dropped an email to almost everyone I knew in this country informing that I had landed and looking for work at the moment.

Harry kept telling me that it was all matter of time and I will be fine and I did believe him.

I had applied for a job in one of the London's top University. I would chose not to name it for you never know I might be sued to have used their name in my blog! I received a call for interview in central London. This was in my 3rd week and I felt elated about it. I thought I wasn't doing too bad. With what I learnt from people and what I realized with experience, reaching the interview stage is the biggest challenge in this country. I went for the Interview, dressed up in my make shift business suit! Yea makeshift coz I wore a navy blue blazer and a black trouser. Harry assured that I was looking fine and shouldn't bother about the dress. I reached for the Interview and there were 3 English Gentlemen in the Meeting room and I was made seated right opposite the three.

The first part of the Interview required me to give a 10 mins presentation about my experience with Oracle Ebusines Suite. I finished my bit and I think I did fairly well. Off the three people, the Senior most person probably from the top management was in his fifties, the youngest one who asked me almost all the technical questions was in his early 30's and there was another gentleman who was like a middle level manager, guess in his late 30's. They kept asking me questions one by one and I was absolutely amazed with their professionalism. I mean it was much different to my interview experiences back in India. I was offered some water and Coffee to which I politely refused. I could probably see during the process that two of the three guys seemed very convinced and happy but one of them din't. I guess most of us can make out how we did after the Interview and pretty much know what outcome to expect. Finally, 1.5 hours of interview got over and we exchanged greetings and I left the place. I was happy with my performance and now was the time to wait for the results. The HR told me I would be informed of the result in 2 days time.

Three days passed and I had not heard from them, so I decided to call. The HR mentioned that they were yet to make the final descision as they are a bit confused between two candidates and would let me know once she has the confirmation. I kind of realized that I had definitely made it to the stage of their confusion. It was on destiny to decide the next! After two more days, I received a call and I was told, they had chosen the other guy over me! I was shunned..I wasn't really prepared for this. This was the first Interview in my career which I couldn't clear! Though I had practically only given four so far and all those were in India. I just asked the lady on the phone what was the ground on which this descision was made? She said "The other candidate had more UK experience and more overall experience". I was left sad.

In the evening, I received call from one of the guys in the Interview - the middle level manager person. He said he just wanted to have a chat with me as he din't want me to feel low about this experience. I had actually mentioned during the interview that this was my first ever Interview in this counrty and I was very serious about it. Probably, that compelled him to give me a courtsey call and give me a bit of moral boost. He said he was happy to recommend me for any other job openings as he personally felt I was very good. But it had to be cumulative descion and hence it was decided in favour of the other candidate.

I just dint know how to react. None of these talks could compensate for the fact that I din't get that job. I was happy that some one made an effort to speak to me, I must have definitely left some impressions in his mind. With this the first once came to a Close!

Now, when I look back I never feel the pain of not making it in the interview but I feel the joy of the last Call!!

The Old Couple!!

This was my 3rd week in London and I was on my way for my first Interview in this country. A little nervous yet full of confidence I was walking with Harry who decided to accompany me till the Interview venue. I am not sure if it was for moral support or because he is aware of my terrible road sense!

We were just couple of minutes away from the venue and I saw an old Indian couple may be in mid-fifties. The man was wearing a red floral print shirt and the lady who looked much older wore a shiffon saree. My first glance at them and I smiled thinking of them as an old couple enjoying their trip to London.

The very moment, I realized the man was standing next to me and asking - "beta - apko hindi ati hai?" (child, do you understand hindi). With immediate excitement, I responded - "Haan" (Yes) and the next thing I realize is Harry shouting on top of his voice - Swati, Lets go from here!!

I was astonished!!

I had no clue of the reason for this reaction of his but something within told me that he must definitely be having a strong one to do this. Few steps ahead - He told me this is the same couple who had deceived him and his friend, couple of weeks ago!

The same couple had stopped Harry and his friend in central London. He pleaded his wife was ill and they had been robbed. He borrowed 70£. He acted so miserable that he was willing to pawn his wife's gold jewellery in return for 70£. They felt pity for the man and his wife and gave them the money. He took their number and commited to call back and make sure that he returns their money, which he never did...

I just didn't know how to react to this! It was definitely not the thing I wanted to experience before my first Interview in London!!!!


Did I get that job or not?? ....

After a While...

m back...back almost after long...It's not, I didn't feel like scribbling all this while. There have been moments of extreme happiness, sense of achievement and huge LEAPS of HOPE, but somehow we cull to write in the moments of cheer and joy or when in despair and more so when in misery!

The past three months, have been a myriad of experiences. Episodes brimming with good quality family time, goodbye's, cheerfulness, restlessness, rage, retreat, liberty and self-sufficiency.

Two important chapters of my life came to end. My stint with Oracle came to a closure and so did my long lasted chapter with Hyderabad. It was great as long as it lasted! Bidding good bye to my buddies at work, friends in Hyderabad and departing from my b'ful house wasn't as easy as I thought, but all things come to an end before they can start again.

New vault brings hope for new life! Moving to London was like a dream come true for two of us. Our EFFORTS finally Paid off! We couldn't ask for more!

"Greedy we are...."!! The moment we achieve something, we realize that we already have the next objective and before cherishing the first one completely, we jump in to become the scapegoat for the next one! Not having allowed this to happen again - only partially did I succeed, I am living my days of joblessness to the brim!! Waiting for his return everyday is a pleasure .....A pleasure I never realized afore!